Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
