I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
