the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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