Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
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