i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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