you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
