Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
