Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
