this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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