I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
