I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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