Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
