she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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