remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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