yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I have already put on my inside pants.
My vagina is very pro this idea
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
