Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
