I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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