is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
