Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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