I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
