I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
