just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
