Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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