Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
