I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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