I'm jealous of your bromance
Buhtt sex?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
