your parents love me but you hate me
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
