she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
