I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
