sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
