it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
