you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
