Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
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