at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
