Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
