i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
