i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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