yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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