I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
