I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I think my moral compass just broke
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
