I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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