I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
