I just pynch a tree in the face
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
