We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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