The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
