Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
