Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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