Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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