I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
