so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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