happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
We need to rekindle our bromance
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
