Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
