i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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