First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
