I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
