gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
