i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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