This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
