HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
