we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize