I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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