I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
