Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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