Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
