Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
