grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
