so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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