is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
