If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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