i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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