i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize