I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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