I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
