I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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