i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
smell my finger.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
