she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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