We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
