I swear god or herbie drove my car home
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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