all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Drunk is not a location!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
