we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
