he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
i've created a new STD.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
