My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I intend to get homeless drunk
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
