MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
