There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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